Search Term Inversion

Given the two search-terms most commonly used to find this blog (why, God? Why?) I’d like to return the favor to teh internets by posting the two search terms I’d rather see:

1. suck my ponies
2. My Little Penis

I think Mattel should hop on that right away. There’s still time to market those for the Christmas rush!

Back to procrastinating on my 1,000 word essay that doesn’t count towards our grades…

“Make a sentence out of the following words: Face. Sodding. Your. Shut.”

Socially awkward though I may be I have (thus far, mostly, at least while sober) controlled my overwhelming desire to blurt out the first thought that springs to mind, no matter how offensive it is. So far I have caught myself in time to prevent the utterance of these gems:

1. “Wow, I used to be really obsessed with the ethnic conflict in your country!” (Points to anyone who can guess the country.)
2. (While discussing an article about repatriation of artefacts to indigenous groups.) “But that’s like Indian giving!”
3. More to follow as they come and I marvel over my glorious self-control.

Most of my social awkwardness has actually arisen out of not finding anything to say to people. I can’t make small-talk for long without disengaging. This is entirely my own fault, as I frankly just don’t care about what your dogs names are or which breakfast cereal you prefer. Then, once I’ve disengaged, it’s hard for me to pick up the part of the conversation where I’m supposed to be speaking because I have no idea what you’ve just said.I think the point of this entry is that I’m kind of an asshole. Sorry about that.

Real Englishman or Merely a Delightful Name I Made Up?: The Answers

I almost forgot all about this, which I suppose is par for the course with my blogging habits. Nevertheless, here are your answers.

All the men mentioned are real.

How crazy is that?

However not all of them are Englishmen.

1. Alfred James Hipkins – British artist 1826-1903
2. Edwin Horatio Fedarb – Real. Incidentally also unremarkable enough that my previous entry is the second result when you search his name. I’m very sorry Edwin; that is the epitome of tragic.
3. Wenceslaus Hollar – Czech! Hollar at me, Wenceslaus.
4. Sir Dingle Mackintosh Foot – Real! Doesn’t it make you feel good to live in a world where that’s a real name? I think this may actually be the greatest name I’ve ever heard. (Politician who worked with Churchill, by the by.)

All of these men were either buried or commemorated at Westminster Abbey/St Margaret’s Church, which is how I came by their names. And what names they are! Sir Dingle Mackintosh Foot’s parents had to have been wonderfully absurd individuals to saddle their son with a name like that.