Events that are current, or at least not hideously outdated just yet

January 4, 2008

I generally refrain from commenting about current events on any of my blogs for fear of sounding like the uninformed dunce that I, incidentally, am.

An uninformed dunce I may be, but I am also a huge fan of US Politics. I mean this in the most superficial, teenybopper-ish way possible. Every so often I get very excited or very impassioned, but I have the attention span of a gnat and very quickly move on to the next thing. The next thing might be my hair. It might be an amusing cartoon about talking squirrels. You just never know.

This morning I was still riding on a nice Iowa-caucus information high while looking for my next hit of politico-crack. Oh look! Edwards accuses Obama of once compromising with someone, the bastard. Surprise! Rudy Giuliani is invoking 9/11 again. What a shock to my poor nerves. It would seem that today is clearly a day to take a break from news about the Primaries, since nothing is going to happen until the debates tomorrow. I decided to venture off the beaten path of the (I admit it!) fairly biased election coverage I so prefer.

Lo and behold I found yet another way that I am already a criminal! I thought it might be important to share it with you, fellow denizens of life’s dark underbelly, so that you too can be on the lookout for The Man. He is coming, armed with Cease and Desist letters and an arrest warrant for your iPod.

While I was reading the article, which I had arrived at via a link, I noticed the list of “most read” stories in a sidebar. “Self, what kind of alarmist website am I reading?” I inquired. “Not only am I breaking the law by listening to music I have paid for, but apparently I too could be at risk from lightsaber wielding tots and people are accusing Britney of being a bad parent!”

It was Fox News, and here are today’s most frequently read headlines.

Report: Hospitalized Britney Spears May Lose Visitation; Federline in Court
8-Month-Old Boy Mauled to Death by Family Dog in New York
British Girl, 4, Accidentally Hangs Herself Imitating Cartoon Stunt
Two British Women Die From Identical Infection After Giving Birth on Same Day at Same Hospital
Oregon Family Finds Bullet on Boy’s Pillow, Hole in Bedroom Ceiling
Boy, 11, Uses Toy Lightsaber to Defend Mom From Attacker
Arizona Man Charged With Running Child-Prostitution Ring
Pop Tarts: Penelope Cruz, Sister Engage in Lesbian Lip-Lock
Person of Interest Named as Search for Missing Georgia Hiker Continues
Hospital Launches Investigation After Man Discharged in Storm Found Dead in Snowbank
Couple Gets Letter, $20 from Woman Claiming She Took Dog
Kneeboarder Finds Lost Nose Ring Inside Fish Boyfriend Caught
Severe Storms Bear Down on California; Could Trigger Slides, Flooding
Model Sues Jewelry Company, Saying Ad Makes Her Look Lewd
Report: Madeleine McCann’s Parents Named as Prime Suspects
Swiss Tennis Star Hingis Banned for 2 Years After Testing Positive for Cocaine at Wimbledon