I know, I know; I am the last person on planet internet to see this video. I am the last person to do a lot of things, like buy a car or experiment with hair dye. (I experimentally dyed my hair a darker brown once. Rebel rebel!) But when I’m the last person on earth to have their brain eaten by zombies, who will be laughing then? (Answer: the zombies. I’m not very fast.)
On the off-chance that there is someone else out in the vast nothingness of the universe who has not seen this genius bit of non-animation, here is Brad Neely’s ‘Washington’:
I discovered the hilarious Mr Neely–boldly going where thousands have before–while watching We Are Wizards, a dorkymentary about Harry Potter fan participation, particularly “wizard rock” a la Harry and the Potters. It was pretty much great, even if some of the humor was unintentional and due to the supreme social awkwardness of say, Harry Potter Year 4. For example. (To steal a phrase from my mom’s BFF, “I want to burp him.”) If you’re living in a city where it’s playing and you happen to like Harry Potter, I highly recommend it.
But back to Washington, sort of…I got a job (offer)! As a museum educator! At a historic house! This historic house used to be inhabited by a Loyalist gent who I believe may have been America’s first Crotchety Old Man. His property overlooks the Raritan Bay and Perth Amboy, NJ. I am boiling this down and taking a fair bit of artistic license, but during the American Revolution he had some hobbies. The first one was standing on his lawn and watching NJ to make sure no Patriots could sneak into NY. Sometimes, when he would go to sleep at night, they would sneak over anyway and kidnap him. I imagine there was some raspberry blowing and neener-neener-ing involved. These young hooligans just would not stay off his lawn! They’d hold him prisoner for a few days, usually as a ransom. When he got back home he would engage in his second hobby, writing Strongly Worded Letters about the whippersnappers who were running amok and violating his person. Who was the commander in chief of these ruffians? I will give you one guess!
I fully plan to play this video in my new office and perhaps cause great paranoia and upset to the ghost of Colonel Billop. Washington! He’s coming, he’s coming, he’s coming.
(Dear employers: I in no way plan to push the “America’s First Crotchety Old Man” storyline in any way. Scout’s honor!)
