Always protect your banana!

My computer is malfunctioning and it takes me about 20 minutes to maneuver my mouse to the point where it can accurately click anything, but this was too good not to share. It was an ad in my Gmail inbox, because Google knows me and it knows what I like. So this ad was selected especially for me, as it were. That just makes it even better.

http://www.safebanana.com/

From the FAQs:

Q: Bananas are not all the same size and shape so how can the Banana Guard fit them all?”

A: The Banana Guard was specially designed to fit the majority of banana sizes. Highly curved bananas can be slightly straightened without harm to fit the Banana Guard. Curved, straight, big and small bananas will usually fit inside the Banana Guard keeping them safe at all times.

It’s pretty much as great as it sounds.

And I wonder why people find my blog with pornographic search terms.

Search Term Inversion

Given the two search-terms most commonly used to find this blog (why, God? Why?) I’d like to return the favor to teh internets by posting the two search terms I’d rather see:

1. suck my ponies
2. My Little Penis

I think Mattel should hop on that right away. There’s still time to market those for the Christmas rush!

Back to procrastinating on my 1,000 word essay that doesn’t count towards our grades…

“Make a sentence out of the following words: Face. Sodding. Your. Shut.”

Socially awkward though I may be I have (thus far, mostly, at least while sober) controlled my overwhelming desire to blurt out the first thought that springs to mind, no matter how offensive it is. So far I have caught myself in time to prevent the utterance of these gems:

1. “Wow, I used to be really obsessed with the ethnic conflict in your country!” (Points to anyone who can guess the country.)
2. (While discussing an article about repatriation of artefacts to indigenous groups.) “But that’s like Indian giving!”
3. More to follow as they come and I marvel over my glorious self-control.

Most of my social awkwardness has actually arisen out of not finding anything to say to people. I can’t make small-talk for long without disengaging. This is entirely my own fault, as I frankly just don’t care about what your dogs names are or which breakfast cereal you prefer. Then, once I’ve disengaged, it’s hard for me to pick up the part of the conversation where I’m supposed to be speaking because I have no idea what you’ve just said.I think the point of this entry is that I’m kind of an asshole. Sorry about that.